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10 Classic Muscle Cars a Minivan Would Beat

You Wouldn’t Need The Fastest Minivan To Beat These Old Muscle Car Classics

Updated October 28, 2018

It’s pointless mentioning this really, but I’ll do it anyway – golden era of American muscle cars is long behind us. Today we have only a handful of choices, and they’re mostly pony cars. However, modern muscle doesn’t allow surprises even in 4-cylinder form. Being beaten by a minivan is what we consider a surprise, and a number of muscle cars back in the day would have allowed just that. While all of them featured some variation of pure American 8-cylinder action, or 6-cylinder at worst – they still can’t compare with modern cars 40 or even 50 years younger. Times have changed – simple as that, and with them characteristics and specs of all cars; not just muscle cars.

Modern Minivan Vs Muscle Car Royalty

This is why we’re resorting to this awkward comparison of 0 to 60 times between classic muscle cars and modern minivans. Our aces for the day are Honda Odyssey, Kia Sedona and Toyota Sienna, all of which are well capable of hitting 60 mph from standstill in under or around 7.5 seconds. I know these are some of the fastest minivans out there, and that we could have picked much slower options. Of course, we could have picked 2007 Mercedes-Benz R63 AMG which hits 60 mph in 4.5 seconds but that wouldn’t be fair towards most supercars, let alone muscle cars. Before we begin, let’s clarify one more thing. Some of listed muscle cars were fitted with smallest possible options when it comes to powertrain, but they still existed and counted as muscle cars. However, every single one of them came with a capable V8 under its hood, so it’s not like we intentionally searched for 6-cylinders out there. You can check how your favorite muscle car stands here and here – if it’s not already among these 10 handpicked models, of course. Finally, if you want to see how classic American muscle compares to this trio of eastern minivans, click next to start the countdown.

10. 1970 Ford Torino GT

0 to 60: 8.1 seconds

1970 is the first year of the Torino’s dominance over the Fairlane. The Ford Torino came in no less than 13 versions for model year ’70 – one of which was the GT. The Torino GT 351 ci 5.8L V8 mill putting up 300 horses flat, but even that wouldn’t be enough to beat modern-day minivans. Incidentally, they would have had similar quarter mile time as well.

1970 torino gt - Slower Than A Modern Minivan

9. 1970 Mercury Cougar Eliminator

0 to 60: 7.6 seconds

I’ll be perfectly honest with you – we’ve chosen this one for its name mostly. That and it’s rather slow acceleration. I mean, how can something called Cougar Eliminator be slower than a minivan? It’s only a tad bit slower, but slower nevertheless. Our Cougar Eliminator had 302 ci 4.9L Windsor V8 with slightly below-par 290 horses. Maybe that’s why it was slightly slower as well.

1970 mercury cougar eliminator - Slower Than A Modern Minivan

8. 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle SS396

0 to 60: 8.1 seconds

The Chevrolet Chevelle SS396 used to pack 350 horses back in 1970 thanks to its 6.5L big-block V8, but that still wasn’t enough to make it fast enough. Even SS454 versions would have fallen prey to modern minivans in certain situation. I know most people (myself included) simply love the Chevelle, so I’ll just move on to the next car now.

1970 chevelle ss396 - Slower Than A Modern Minivan

7. 1970 Chevrolet Monte Carlo SS454

0 to 60: 7.7 seconds

You’re probably noticing a pattern of ’70 models here. Well, it was the first year for Monte Carlo back in the day, and even though SS454 version came with humongous 7.44L Turbo-Jet V8 mill putting up 360 horsepower, Monte Carlo still wasn’t fast enough. It’s mostly due to its heavy full-size frame, but it’s still slower than Sienna, Sedona or Odyssey alike.

 - Slower Than A Modern Minivan

6. 1968 Plymouth Barracuda 340-S

0 to 60: 8.1 seconds

Although the same car with 3-speed automatic was able to hit 60 in 7 seconds flat, 4-speed manual counterpart needed a full second more. Or at least that’s what people from Motor Trend wanted us to believe back in the day. In any case, vintage ’68 Cuda generated 275 horsepower thanks to the 5.6L Chrysler LA V8 engine.

1968 barracuda 340-s - Slower Than A Modern Minivan

5. 1967 Plymouth Fury

0 to 60: 9.6 seconds

Sticking with Plymouths – ’67 383 ci 2-barrel Fury model was one of the slowest muscle cars with such a large engine (6.28L V8).This coupe had around 325 horses, 3-speed automatic transmission and a top speed of only 118 mph. That, and 0 to 60 time of close to 10 seconds.

1967 plymouth fury - Slower Than A Modern Minivan

4. 1970 Ford Mustang Mach 1

0 to 60: 8.2 seconds

Wondered where Mustangs were all this time? Here’s one. 1970 Mustang Mach 1 tested by Motor Trend had the smallest available engine that came with Mach 1 package, but it still was a Mach. 351 ci 5.8L V8 developed around 300 horses which is not a figure to be trifled with, but still insufficient to topple modern minivan’s 0 to 60 times.

1970 mustang mach 1 - Slower Than A Modern Minivan

3. 1968 Chevrolet Camaro SS/RS

0 to 60: 7.8 seconds

It wouldn’t have been fair listing Mustang and omitting to mention Camaro. There were slower models than this one, but ’68 Camaro SS/RS packed some serious power under its hood. That’s why we’ve selected it for this list of not exactly the most boastful of features. It’s 396 ci 6.5L V8 generated as much as 325 ponies, but it still wouldn’t be enough against Japanese or Korean V8 minivans of the day.

1968 camaro ss-rs - Slower Than A Modern Minivan

2. 1970 Dodge Charger 500

0 to 60: 8.1 seconds

B-Body Chargers have gone through four more or less successful generations. Our Dodge Charger 500 had a 383 ci 6.3L 2-barrel V8 engine, hence its lack of power and speed. Its 300 horses were enough for low 8-second region when it comes to acceleration. Yet again, not enough to beat trio of far eastern minivans.

1970 charger 500

1. 1967 Corvette Convertible

0 to 60: 7.8 seconds

Even Corvette had its ups and downs over the years. While early sixties models were even slower, this ’67 version rated by Car and Driver had 327 ci small-block V8 which was capable of putting up around 300 horsepower. What it wasn’t capable, though, was beating 7.5 seconds 0 to 60 time we’ve set up as a limit here.

1967 corvette convertible - Slower Than A Modern Minivan

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Nikola Potrebić
About Nikola Potrebić

Despite driving a piece of junk, Nikola still manages to survive the harrowing experience called "A road trip in a Yugo," day in, day out. On the other hand, precious few things move him as muscle cars do. Especially those from the bygone golden era, which makes him wonder why wasn't he born a few decades earlier? Well, at least he's been given the opportunity to enjoy the likes of the Pontiak Aztek, Chrysler PT Cruiser, Fiat Multipla, and other lovely millennials, right? Come to think of it, I'll stick with my Yugo. Thank you very much.

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