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2013 Volvo C70

Published July 9, 2012

Reports of the Volvo C70’s death have been greatly exaggerated. We were told in 2011 that this car would no longer be in production for 2013, but still the model is rolling off the production line in Sweden. I suppose somebody forgot to turn off the power switch. However after closer inspection of the model it’s easy to see why it just wasn’t selling and why it will in all probability be canceled after next year.

The Volvo C70 is a car that tows every conservative comfort zone line you can possibly imagine. Yes it’s an attractive car, but in that beer goggle sort of way. Its turbocharged 227hp 2.5-liter engine definitely has some balls but not enough for this rather heavy car. And that heft also has a negative impact on the C70’s handling capabilities. Make no mistake about it, this is a luxury touring convertible. Really the most impressive aspect of this car is that the roof retracts in roughly 30 seconds. Despite the luxury touring status and purpose the Volvo C70 is a stiff ride. It’s 0-60mph clocks in at a yawn inspiring 7.5 seconds and has an embarrassing electronic speed limiter that peaks at 150mph. Volvo seriously seems to question the driving capabilities of its target demographic for the C70.

In typical Volvo fashion there is an impressive array of safety features. In the event of a collision in a C70 you can guarantee more airbags coming at you than Lindsay Lohan on a Saturday night. There are definitely other impressive features, such as a Rollover Protection System, a Whiplash Protection System and a collapsible steering column. But the one safety feature that is highly questionable, and a stretch even for Volvo, is the so-called “Pedestrian Protection”. Not only does Volvo protect its occupants, now they’re claiming to protect pedestrians. It’s actually laughable to read Volvo claiming that the shape of their vehicle literally reduces impact to pedestrians in the case of collision. I’m sorry but I have to call total bullshit on that one.

Just imagine a cyclist getting plowed over by a C70 and yelling, ‘Oh god yes! That feels so good! Hit me again!’

As far as the Volvo C70 is concerned it’s not just in the practical sense that the vehicle is safe. Every possible aspect about this car screams safe. The design, the colors, the performance levels, everything is safe. Including its drivers who in all likelihood are elderly grey haired individuals who want to appear sophisticated yet fun and sporty. Or boring yuppies that tie sweaters around their necks and have enough product in their hair to prevent it from even the slightest of movement when the roof is down.

It’s really no big mystery why the Volvo C70 is near extinction. It is a car so boring and unremarkable that its own manufacturer forgot its scheduled production termination.

Now that’s one boring car.




Calvin Escobar
About Calvin Escobar

The Car scene is so diverse Where I come from, most enthusiasts recognize the amazing engineering (particularly the engines). The bulk of the ridicule originates from the manner in which many of the vehicles are modded/maintained. Thus, the jokes and or hate tends to be aimed more at the owner rather than the machine. All of which makes seeing properly sorted old Toyota's and Hondas at car meets, auto shows, and track days all the more refreshing.

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