7 Strategies for Talking Your Way out of a Ticket
Updated November 20, 2013
Speeding is something we’re all guilty of doing at some point. Maybe you get stuck in the passing lane with someone tailing you, or maybe you’re just a free spirit who can’t be held down by oppressive speed limits. Either way, you’ll probably be pulled over at some point. Whether you get a ticket, a warning or a free pass is at the discretion of the office who catches you. So what can you do to keep from getting a ticket, if you’re unlucky enough to be pulled over? Below I’ll outline 7 strategies that might work for you some day – choose wisely!
7.) I’ve Really Gotta Go!
I read a book when I was a toddler called Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi. It taught me some valuable lessons about the digestive system that have stuck with me to this very day. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Maybe the cop will view it as a valid excuse. Make sure you’re bouncing around and looking like you’re in pain. Try holding your gut. How you confess your problem is up to you – I suggest you mention how that spicy Indian food is affecting your IBS. The more details, the better.
6.) Shed Some Manly Tears
You’ve probably heard of a woman crying to get out of ticket, but what about a man? Logic indicates that the cop could take a male more seriously if you’re crying simply because it’s not as common. It might be novel – a reaction the cop doesn’t expect or encounter very often. If you think you’re above this tactic, just consider how much your ticket could cost and maybe you’ll reconsider.
5.) Laughter is the Best Medicine
Only try this after complying with the police completely. If the traffic stop is going well, maybe some humor could break the monotony and get the cop on your side. If you can make him laugh, maybe he’ll let you off with a warning out of sheer appreciation.
Officer: You in a hurry tonight?
You: Just trying to drive the common speed.
Officer: What common speed? There was no one else around you.
You: That’s how far behind I was, just trying to keep up!
Officer: (shakes his head)
If he doesn’t laugh, you can always proceed with a different approach. Maybe a combination will work.
4.) Sweet Little Lies
Keep in mind that you take a serious risk anytime you lie to a police officer. You could perjure yourself or make the situation worse. But as long as what you’re saying can’t be disproven, it can be a viable solution. You could make up a story about the reason you were speeding – maybe some idiot in a giant SUV tried to run you off the road (don’t forget the make, model and color.) Maybe he was drunk or high! Make it seem like you really care about public safety and maybe the cop will go off looking for this fictitious drunk before he kills someone.
3.) The Truth Could Set You Free
Cops hear a lot of BS, but they’re also human. If you have a legitimate reason for speeding – maybe you’re late for an important meeting, you’re having a baby, or if you really do have to use the bathroom (see above) -then the officer might take mercy on you. You never know unless you tell them. Keeping quiet about the reason usually means you don’t have a reason, which is a great motivation for the officer to go through with the ticket.
2.) Some Technical Difficulties
How sure is this police officer that he’s nabbed the right suspect? The more befuddled you look the better. Be absolutely sure he’s got the wrong guy, that he should’ve pulled over the lady in the sports car pulling away in front of you. Maybe you can get him to think his radar system is on the fritz. The more he questions whether he’s got the right guy, the more likely he is to let you off.
1.) Be His Best Friend
The polite approach gets my top spot on the countdown. This one’s all about compliancy and making the cop’s job easier. Pull as far off the road as possible. Put on your hazard lights. Turn off the car and take the keys out of the ignition. Roll the window all the way down. The cop knows you’re not going to do anything stupid, and this puts him at ease immediately. Always say “yes, officer” and “no, officer.” They like this. They also like it when you don’t talk back, so be as sweet and friendly as possible. He’s probably heard all the excuses ad nauseum so maybe he’ll appreciate a more respectable approach.
Just remember that there’s no foolproof method here. Every cop and every situation is different. Sometimes, you may try your luck with one approach but end up disappointed. You may have to feel it out. But with a little creativity and some harmless fibbing you might be able to avoid getting a ticket on your next traffic stop.
Author Bio: Mike Martin is a gearhead and auto industry blogger from southern Missouri. He has written informative and entertaining articles for a variety of audiences. Currently he works with Jay Wolfe, an Acura dealership in Springfield, MO.
Categories: Gear Grinding