Leaked Tesla Options List Shows Villainous Choices

Published June 18, 2014

Tesla Motor Company has been dealing out great vehicles and great public relations campaigns but it seems that the company has been building the case for such moments as this. In this article we will see just how devious some of the company’s inner workings are and why you probably just need to buy one for yourself otherwise your blood will flow in the streets like the rest of the none owning Sheeple.


Everyone seems to love Tesla’s CEO Elon Musk and his companies, but also have a lingering feeling that he is a “James Bond” super villain. Well it seems that a leaked options list we received from our almost certainly now deceased Tesla insider shows that you can order your Tesla Model S with some disturbing options.


Not only can you trick out your Tesla with custom 21” wheels and an audiophile sound system but once we started diving into these “Secret Special Editions” options, our sphincters started to pucker.


Evil Concierge Service – $2000/yr

Refillable Oil Slick System – $250

Tire Puncture Caltrops – $300

Passenger Ejector Seat – $3200

Lead-lined body panels – $7500

Aston Martin DB seeking rockets – $23000

Predator Self Destruct Sequence – $124000

Tesla Tower O’ Power – $64000

Death Ray – $87000

Tumbler Rumbler – $9000

Bald Eagle Omelet Maker – $42

Orphan Soul Power Quick Charge Station – $2600

Moon Rock Brake Pad Upgrade – $52000

Trunk Torture Tackle Box – $450

Captain Planet Dirty Diesel Engine Option – $6200

Baby Seal Leather Seats – $6000

New World Order Mug and Cupholder – $60

Backup Camera  Targeting System – No Charge


It seems that not everyone can get their hands on these options as it can only go to individuals such as Kim Jong Un, World Bank Execs, Reptilian Elite, Illuminati, Freemasons, Barak Obama, Vladimir Putin, Scientologists, and Betty White.


We will keep reporting as we get word on new options as well as photos of any of these villainous products but either way we here at Gearheads still want a Tesla Model S even if it helps fund devious acts of super science and enslavement of “Sheeple”.


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Uriah Nazario
About Uriah Nazario

If you are easily offended and like to comment about how your feelings are hurt then you won't like my style of writing. I speak my mind (which is deranged) and yes it is often offensive. I am open for debate but not whining. I appreciate all my readers and hope my articles put a smile on your face.

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