Monster And Browning Special Edition Ram 1500 – “Monster Buck”
Updated January 27, 2015
At a small press conference held at the Hooters in Detroit, the top executives of RAM trucks announced that they were going to unveil the “littlest dick” pick-up truck to date nicknamed “Monster Buck”. In conjunction with Monster Energy and the Browning “Buckmark” this truck will be full of confidence inspiring options that will “make any weakling feel like a UFC badass” said Chuck Dickel of the RAM branch. When the execs weren’t busy “pounding it out” with each other and making inappropriate advances to the wait staff, they filled us in on some of the options that would be available as well as the standard equipment that will make this truck so god damn badass.
The standard truck will come with special monster energy cup holders that can handle those big ass cans and thanks to the gravity control movement will keep them from spilling a drop on your favorite bedazzled affliction redemption eviction retribution T-shirt. Dickel stated that many of our owners make abrupt lane changes when cutting off other drivers and therefore we want to make sure that we keep that shirt or “wife beater” spic and span so the driver doesn’t “take out his frustration on some fagot” and has a better chance of “scoring” with one of the waitresses at their local “watering hole”.
The seats will be custom Browning “buckmark” insignia branded deer hide that will keep the fur intact therefore give a “raw dawg feel for the driver ya heard” quoted Dickel. The engine will still remain a 6-cylinder but will have all emission regulatory exhaust and ECU functions cut-off or disabled and the exhaust will be routed up through the truck bed to make “wicked ass” smoke stacks. When Dickel was asked about these choices and standard options for the truck he simply stated “because Fuck You that’s why, Queer”.
The “Monster Buck” Edition will also have gleaming Red rings around the headlights to install fear in tailgated drivers and cheap Chinese made LED taillights to give the truck “Southern Swag”. When asked about the turn signal delete, Dickel said that none of the owners were going to use that shit anyways and then proceeded to say “We own the mutherfuckin road, bitches” then made a bunch of dog barking sounds. Instead when you engage what usually is the turn signal, you will hear a voice over the speakers saying “everyone thinks you’re badass” or “fuck yeah bro”.
Options will include –
Confidence kit – With Skull faced bandana, monster hat, brass knuckles, KY Jelly, and an audio book about dealing with life’s shortcomings in today’s society with anger.
Bulk Up kit – Comes with a year supply of protein powder and magazines of body building men.
Roll Deep kit – “Super Swamper” tires with bi-tone wheels with skulls, and extra skull decals, and skull shift knob.
“Ink that shit son” kit – passenger door built in Tattoo gun powered off of the trucks 12v system means that you can fill that skin up with more “trendy tribal” artwork.
We still haven’t received all the information as the RAM execs got too aggressive with our reporter then they started crying about inner demons or something. We do have a computer generated look at what we think the truck will look like. And it seems there will be more options list coming out soon. If you have heard of any more options then please comment below.
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