The 20 Best and Worst Excuses for Speeding, Straight From Real Cops’ Mouths

Published September 30, 2015

A recent survey of real police officers asked them to share the best and worst excuses they got from drivers to explain their speeding. We’re happy to share.

The survey results come to us courtesy of the site, which reports on the issues police officers have to deal with each day (i.e. not fun). We are glad they took the time to put together this survey and share the results, as it sure made our day (as I hope it made theirs).

The Bad

A drunk guy told me he was pregnant then urinated all over himself claiming his water broke.


I stopped a girl with all the Goth black stuff on herself and little figurines on her dash. I asked what is all this stuff. She said,” I’m a Wicka.” I said “A what?” She goes “You know, a witch.” I said “Oh yeah.” Then she asks “are you giving me a ticket”? I said “yes, I am.” She said “I’ll put a spell on you. I told her “too late. My ex-wife beat you to it.”

DRIVER: My buddy, who is police officer, is gonna kill me!
OFFICER: Who is your buddy?
DRIVER: David Pollino!
OFFICER: Ohhhh, you know Dave Pollino? Well in that case, you should thank him when you see him!
DRIVER: You bet Officer, I will do exactly that!
I stand there in awkward silence until the driver chimes in and says can I help you?
OFFICER: Just waiting for my thanks.
DRIVER: I don’t understand!
OFFICER: Can you read, ma’am? Can you read my name tag out loud?
DRIVER: Officer! Sgt. David Pollino!
OFFICER: Ma’am, since we are such good friends and all, and you were going to thank me, I was just waiting for my thanks.


“Oh I thought the sign I 95 meant the speed limit …glad you didn’t catch me over on SR 210 earlier.”

“I wasn’t speeding, I just got a haircut and it makes me look fast.”


It snowed 6-inches and I radar a car driving 54 in a 30. Stopped her and she very matter-of-fact told me, “Duh, I know I was going fast, I was trying to get the snow off my windshield so I could see where I’m going!”


I checked a 17-year-old kid on I-71 near MP91 just south of Grove City, Ohio at 101 MPH. He was driving a gold Ford Explorer 2-door. When I told him I checked him at 101, he threw a fit and wanted to argue with me, saying he was only doing 85 MPH. Me, being the curious cop, asked him why he thought he was only going 85 and his response was “my speedometer only goes to 85 and I had my gas pedal pushed all the way to the floor.”

One of my cop friends told me a story: he pulled over a couple for speeding, asked why the driver (male) was speeding. The male said his wife (the passenger) was pregnant and they were going to the hospital. The officer said that was fine (even though he knew the truth) and followed them to the hospital to “make sure everything went alright”. When they got to the hospital, he escorted them in and made sure they got a room right away. Finally the male admitted to lying. The officer didn’t write him up, figured the hospital bill would be enough.

“My car has a recall on it for unexplained acceleration and I’m on my way to get it fixed!”

“I have a cold and when I cough, my foot mashes the pedal”


I stopped a guy for doing 71 in a 50 because he wanted to get to McDonald’s before the breakfast menu ended!

I had someone tell me that he put too much oil in the engine of his vehicle, and he had to drive really fast to burn the extra roll out.

I was told by a lady her accelerator was broken and it always went that fast, no matter what.

The Good


Pulled over a Corvette doing 100 in 55 zone. Late at night on highway, no traffic. I told the driver, “You were flying, unless you have a pilot’s license, you are going to jail”. Yes, he handed me a pilot license … yes, I let him go.

I stopped a lady who was crying when I walked up. I asked what the problem was. She said she had gone shopping for the first time after having a baby and nothing fit right. I handed her her license back and slowly backed away. Nothing good was coming from this!

“I was just keeping the 2 second buffer time between me and the car behind me”. “There was no one behind you…” “Good job, huh?”


“The box says ‘If you have an erection over 4 hours, see your doctor IMMEDIATELY!'”


“I wasn’t speeding, I was qualifying.”

A 17-year-old was going 23 (mph) over. When I asked him why he was going so fast, he looked me dead in the eye and said, “Because I’m just all kinds of stupid”.

I got tagged for doing 54 in a 45 years back. The officer laughed when he told me and I said that my dyslexia was acting up again.

Thank you again to and to the officers who are putting it on the line every day to keep us safe and, in the case of Gearheads, protecting us from ourselves.




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Chris Riley
About Chris Riley

I have been wrecking cars for as long as I've been driving them but I keep coming back for more. Two wheels or four, I'm all in. gives me a chance to give something back to the automobile community.

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