4 Truly Awful Auto Accessories

Updated June 21, 2015

Car accessories are usually pretty helpful. Needed? Not really. But in an age when most car owners drive like they have their feet on the wheel, anything that keeps people’s eyes on the road is pretty handy. Sprucing up your car or truck is cool, too, as long as you don’t have any crappy bumper stickers or antenna balls that look like a demented clown head. But sometimes…people go just a little bit overboard in adding accessories to their car. Here are a few of those overboard additions, otherwise known as the most terrible car accessories ever.

1. Car Eyelashes

Yes, people, these are actually a thing. Some company out there with a website straight out of 1999 has actually decided that flexible eyelash attachments for your car are both necessary and worth shelling out money for. These automobile falsies adhere to your headlights and curl upwards towards the heavens like they’re plastered on a cheap Vegas showgirl. They also are available for motorcycles– in case the girly cyclops chic look is appealing to you– and in pink. Just picture it: a VW bug staring you down with its soulless, haunting, pink-eyelashed stare as you try to load your groceries into your trunk. Coming to a parking lot near you.


2. Truck dangly bits

Oh, how I wish I was kidding. Known affectionately as “truck nuts”, some genius has decided that a pickup didn’t quite have enough machismo and needed male genitalia attached to it to seal the deal. Of course, this automobile add-on has run into some legal woes, as displaying private parts while speeding past minivans full of little league tykes is generally frowned upon. Some states have even attempted unsuccessfully to ban them and institute fines. They’re available in metallic silver, and also in flesh tones for the extra-creepy factor. Because nothing says “my pickup is manly” like manly man bits dangling off the bottom of your flatbed for all to see.


3. Doggie window guards

These mounted contraptions are meant to be fitted to your passenger window, and run upwards of $250. I’m assuming they’re aimed at the “spare no expense for my dear Mr. Fluffington” type of pet owner. They’re designed to keep precious Fido or Fifi from falling or jumping out when they stick their heads out the window to feel the breeze. I can’t help but think, though, that if there’s a risk of your dear fluffy loved one deciding to become airborne, there are much better solutions than adding a police cage to the side of your car.


4. French fry holder

Are we really getting so addicted to fast food that we can’t wait until we get home to indulge our greasy, salty urges? The french fry holder does what the cup-holder won’t– puts any deep-fried goodies even closer to arm’s reach for your face-stuffing pleasure. The french fry holder comes with a nice no-slip design, unlike your steering wheel, and even has a ketchup dipping cup attached to the side. Mmm, diabetes.





Calvin Escobar
About Calvin Escobar

The Car scene is so diverse Where I come from, most enthusiasts recognize the amazing engineering (particularly the engines). The bulk of the ridicule originates from the manner in which many of the vehicles are modded/maintained. Thus, the jokes and or hate tends to be aimed more at the owner rather than the machine. All of which makes seeing properly sorted old Toyota's and Hondas at car meets, auto shows, and track days all the more refreshing.

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