kid caught speeding

Top 20 Excuses for Speeding

What Are The Best Speeding Excuses You’ve Ever Heard?

Updated November 21, 2018

Speeding tickets are such a drag, but the fact of the matter is that they also drive a lot of revenue for governments around the world.  There are an estimated 35 million speeding tickets issued each year in the United States alone that total approximately $5 billion dollars for local government throughout the country.

Cops love their donuts

In light of this depressing business that those with a need for speed despise, we would like to share some excellent excuses that can be used if you encounter a speeding mishap with the police.  The majority of them most likely will not work at evading a dreaded citation, but they may humor the police into giving you a warning for your effort.  At the very least, they’ll give you and your friends a good laugh!  If you’re one of those habitual speeders, it may be a good idea to keep a box of donuts in your car at all times also.

Granny didn't mean to speed

Excuse #20Speeding Driver:  Sir, I think it’s time you get an eye exam because the sign said 55, not 45”

                       Officer:  “Nice Try!”

Excuse #19 – “Oops!  I thought the sign I-95 meant the speed limit.  Good thing you didn’t catch me over on SR-220 earlier…”

Excuse #18 – “I wasn’t speeding, sir.  I was qualifying!”

Excuse #17 – “Sir, it’s just an imaginary number on an imaginary sign.  Was I really that wrong violating something so intangible?”

Excuse #16 – “I really apologize, officer!  The thing is, there are only 4 minutes left until McDonald’s breakfast ends and they say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day!”

Excuse #15Officer:  “Sir, I clocked you at 79 in a 45 mph maximum speed zone.”

                           Speeding Driver:  “I have a note from my doctor..”

Excuse #14  – Officer:  “I recorded you going 13 miles over the speed limit.”

                           Speeding Driver:  “I know you were, but what was I?”

Excuse #13  – If you’re one of those that can easily make yourself vomit, simply roll down the window and proceed to gag yourself so that you vomit out the window as the police officer is nearing your vehicle.  There’s a good chance that they won’t want to get covered in additional vomit and you might not even have to say a word.

speeding traffic on highway

Excuse #12 – “Well, everyone else was doing it!?”

Excuse #11 – “I have a cold and each time I sneeze, my foot accidentally pushes the pedal too much”

Excuse #10 – “I have an early onset of Parkinson’s which only affects my right leg so far.  Fortunately, it’s not bad enough to restrict me from driving, according to the DMV!”

Speeding Citation - What Are The Best Speeding Excuses You've Heard?

Excuse #9 – “I’m sorry, but the car behind me was following me too close, so I kept speeding up to avoid a catastrophic wreck!”

Excuse #8 – “I’m sorry, sir, but my brother’s plane is about to arrive – he’s just getting back from Iraq.  I tried to get off work early, but they kept me 30 minutes past when I was supposed to get off!”

Excuse #7 – Officer:  “I clocked you at 54 in a 45.”

                        Speeding Driver:  “My damned dyslexia is to blame for that, Officer!”

Excuse #6 – “I’m sorry, sir, but my GPS unit said that the speed limit was 70, not 45.  I didn’t see a sign for a long time, so I assumed that it was correct.”

Excuse #5 – “I’m sorry, Officer.  I saw you doing about 80 and thought for sure that you would be abiding by the laws that you enforce – unless your lights were on, of course!”

Excuse #4 – “Well, the pamphlet that came with my medication said that I need to seek a doctor immediately if I have an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours!”

Excuse #3 – “I just received a call 5 minutes ago that my wife’s water broke and she’s in labor at the hospital.  Is there any way that you could give me a police escort to Exit 86?”

Excuse #2 – In the event that you’re a woman that is getting pulled over by a male officer, use this one and you may just make the officer uncomfortable enough to let you go:

“I’m sorry, sir, but my tampon desperately needs to be changed and I was trying to get to a place quickly so that I can safely change it.”

Man craps his pants and explains to cops

Excuse #1 – “My apologies, sir.  I accidentally farted, shit my pants, and began to rush home as fast as possible before it starts to soak into my fabric seats.” (This one works best if you’re able to produce some really raunchy smells to make it seem authentic)

Like we said, these excuses aren’t going to win you any awards, but they may just get you the laugh you need to get off with a warning in place of a ticket!

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Paul Sawyer
About Paul Sawyer


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